Point of Inquiry: Santa Got a Present

In breaking news, a man was arrested today for spreading the joy and laughter that we all experience in gift giving, at a mall in Morrow Georgia. The gift was a few sticks of Dynamite that the perpetrator had lovingly wrapped in duck tape and gave it to the Santa with his body. The Santa, being Pagan and not appreciating the sentiment, paniced untill the police showed up to calm down the jumpy Santa.

The Police were forced to arrest the do-gooder due to crafty use of the justice system on the Santa's part. The entire ride to the station was full of grieving cops, sad that the only person taking this holiday seriously, was about to spend 2-5 years in prison. The real Santa has placed a statement saying that the man will be granted every item on his wish list for his true christmas spirit, and the mall Santa will get a thoroughly charred log.

The Full Story HERE

Point of Inquiry: Proof of Sentient Penis

Okay, now this story is something that makes you sad to be a man. Apperently a man in Croatia killed his mother when she found him masturbating while putting on a scarf. He told police that he just snapped at the shock and proceeded to first smash in her skull with a statue, then strangled her.

Now for the speech. This is a classic example of a mans penis getting the better of him. I mean he was just indulging himself in some deep fantasies, where he gets into a S&M relationship with his mom... oh wait, that would be weird.

Maybe we should except the fact that this guy is insane, and if it wasn't his mom, it would have been a rottweiler in a blender. I think we should take this as a statement to the length for which men can go to save their tri-daily left-hand session (I love you only as a friend)

Well, anyway I hope we can get over this and all of you guys can fap in peace today. So long everybody, and have a happy lobotomy.

Full Link

Point of Inquiry: Way #45 to not avoid a DUI

"A North Charleroi man will be cited with driving under the influence after he allegedly drove through Belle Vernon in a van that was on fire early Wednesday."
-Taken from http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/fayette/s_648090.html

So just another day stroling around the interwebs and I stumble over this. A man drove his van, while intoxicated, for a few miles and was stopped because IT WAS ON FIRE! What the hell? What was on this mans mind? If I light my van on fire they won't check to make sure I haven't been sipping the sauce. Trust me readers, that's not a good plan. In fact, what will most likely happen is the opposite to the desired outcome.

Personally I don't believe this man was alone. I think he had a fire breathing accomplice. It makes perfect sense, why else would a drunk man have a burning van? I mean really.

Any way, I hope this has been mindopening... or closing I really don't care. And as always, so long and have a happy lobotomy.

-Eliot Wolf




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Point of Inquiry: Holy Book Burning Batman!

Sadness prevails my dear devoted readers for the failure just keeps piling up. So I just read that a Baptist church in North Carollina is holding a "Halloween Book Burning," filled with all your crazy pyromaniac whims. There's Pope writings being burnt at 7:00 and Mother Theresa will be burnt at 7:15. Weinny sticks will be passed around and a Nazi inspired face painter will be working from 5-9. Then gather up the kids and watch the bible (non-King James of course) get thrown into the mix.

In fact, the only part of this that is at all rational is the burning of several country music CD's.

The only thing that was worse than that was a man in Oregon who stabbed his ex's pet fish. Nothing out of the ordinary there.


Well So long Readers, and have a happy lobotomy.
-Eliot Wolf